and oh man have i fucked up super big time
was just typing some more but heng didnt get far while i was bitching about this piece of shit computer on notepad cos the fucking modem wouldnt connect when the fucking thing shut down again
maybe max's right
maybe god does exist and if he does he is seriously pissing me off if he's the one putting the "trials" and shit
so ok this wasn't teh idea of a blogpost i had when i was on the bus to jenna's place. my idea was like i'd link a post from another blog and then write my opinion of it
no, now i have to write about a problem. is it really a problem? i dunno
right now i am confused. what is the status of my relationship with jenna? we were together, sorta broke up, and now we're like still together. cheenu quipped "rachel and ross" but probably without the drama.... yet.
right now i am stressed and quite low morale. usually how do i handle stress? i wank. and if its more depressing than that, the guitar helps. for this, i need to type it out. that's how fucking stressful it is
the most stressful is when im actually writing it on paper. like the time i had all sorts of funny thoughts for ex-gf (about slightly more than a year back)
thing is: last wednesday after mos, i was the victim of some fucking severe lovebites. and since they weren't from jenna, i had to avoid her. then the shit hits the fan because something crops up on sunday and i have to meet her and because i havent seen her in a week, i can't say no. you cannot tell your gf you dont feel like having sex if u havent seen her in a week
she saw the lovebites.
we'll skip the bullshit and drama and i finally admit yes they aren't scratches but lovebites.
which i said i got from some burmese girl which i made out with in the club
jenna was ok with that although she was kinda skeptical
except it was a lie. that didnt happen.. it was a result of a one night stand which i shan't delve on. however on that night, i DID meet some burmese chick and i had a number so fuck it, thought why don't i just msg her
fast-forward to today: she got pissed off with me on tuesday so i was the victim of silent treatment till today after i apologized. then we decide to meet up and have supper
so now its like after 10 and the burmese chick replies to sms regarding where we should meet. ok fucked up thing is, towards the end, jenna is mad at me because she knows im smsing somebody else and i refuse to show her the msg
i told her i made out with a burmese chick and i didnt get her number (i just pulled that one out of my memory from the shanshan incident)
so right now things dont look too good
she isnt happy
im not happy
is it a problem with my principles? isnt/wasnt our relationship built on trust? why did i get careless?
whatever it is, what is the solution? is this the time to get honest?
i like you, you're my gf but i need to try and nail other people
wouldn't that just be wrong? isn't that just greedy? it would work if she didnt know but she does now...
"a surprise" i tell her, when she wants to see the msg. now i have to plan a fucking surprise. how the fuck is that possible?
why am i trying to save something that i know will still end up with us together?
i guess its because i value her i dont even wanna lose her as a friend
too many problems too many contradictions
i need solutions - im gonna go sleep and go to camp and think about it whole day. and when my brain hurts i'll read my book
posted by fucking king of cb @ Thursday, July 10, 2008
was just typing some more but heng didnt get far while i was bitching about this piece of shit computer on notepad cos the fucking modem wouldnt connect when the fucking thing shut down again
maybe max's right
maybe god does exist and if he does he is seriously pissing me off if he's the one putting the "trials" and shit
so ok this wasn't teh idea of a blogpost i had when i was on the bus to jenna's place. my idea was like i'd link a post from another blog and then write my opinion of it
no, now i have to write about a problem. is it really a problem? i dunno
right now i am confused. what is the status of my relationship with jenna? we were together, sorta broke up, and now we're like still together. cheenu quipped "rachel and ross" but probably without the drama.... yet.
right now i am stressed and quite low morale. usually how do i handle stress? i wank. and if its more depressing than that, the guitar helps. for this, i need to type it out. that's how fucking stressful it is
the most stressful is when im actually writing it on paper. like the time i had all sorts of funny thoughts for ex-gf (about slightly more than a year back)
thing is: last wednesday after mos, i was the victim of some fucking severe lovebites. and since they weren't from jenna, i had to avoid her. then the shit hits the fan because something crops up on sunday and i have to meet her and because i havent seen her in a week, i can't say no. you cannot tell your gf you dont feel like having sex if u havent seen her in a week
she saw the lovebites.
we'll skip the bullshit and drama and i finally admit yes they aren't scratches but lovebites.
which i said i got from some burmese girl which i made out with in the club
jenna was ok with that although she was kinda skeptical
except it was a lie. that didnt happen.. it was a result of a one night stand which i shan't delve on. however on that night, i DID meet some burmese chick and i had a number so fuck it, thought why don't i just msg her
fast-forward to today: she got pissed off with me on tuesday so i was the victim of silent treatment till today after i apologized. then we decide to meet up and have supper
so now its like after 10 and the burmese chick replies to sms regarding where we should meet. ok fucked up thing is, towards the end, jenna is mad at me because she knows im smsing somebody else and i refuse to show her the msg
i told her i made out with a burmese chick and i didnt get her number (i just pulled that one out of my memory from the shanshan incident)
so right now things dont look too good
she isnt happy
im not happy
is it a problem with my principles? isnt/wasnt our relationship built on trust? why did i get careless?
whatever it is, what is the solution? is this the time to get honest?
i like you, you're my gf but i need to try and nail other people
wouldn't that just be wrong? isn't that just greedy? it would work if she didnt know but she does now...
"a surprise" i tell her, when she wants to see the msg. now i have to plan a fucking surprise. how the fuck is that possible?
why am i trying to save something that i know will still end up with us together?
i guess its because i value her i dont even wanna lose her as a friend
too many problems too many contradictions
i need solutions - im gonna go sleep and go to camp and think about it whole day. and when my brain hurts i'll read my book
