The only thing you enjoy more than putting a smile on a child's face is putting pimples on a child's face. Your tendency to wear make-up in inappropriate situations stems from your mother, who always wanted a girl. Between birthday parties, you weep in the stock-room, dreaming of being an accountant, or maybe some sort of tramp. The only person who knows what you go through is the Store Santa, but at least he gets to sit down.
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